Night at the Museum

Remember when you were a kid and read choose your own adventure novels? Remember the ones about getting lost in the museum where the mummy would come to life and eat you? Then you grew up and realized that nothing creepy really existed in the museum. The museum was a stuffy civilized place filled with dusty artifacts and learned people. 

When you grew up you became a stuffy learned person and went to the museum's members' night where you relearned why the museum seemed like the perfect place for those old choose your own adventure novels. The museum is a creepy place, and the curators are often no less disturbing. 

I had my pick of images to choose from. I had the pile of dead birds, the strange Japanese pagoda in the basement left over from the World's Fair (it had to be haunted), a huge fruit bat in a jar (somebody remarked that it looked like a flying puppy), giant sarcophagi, the 100,000+ dead bugs, the live bugs, or even the row of enormous oxygen tanks. However, all the other images pale in comparison to the one below, which is why I posted it.

So many things are wrong in this photo. Can you count them? The scientist with the no gloves? He was actively showing a group of onlookers the taxidermy process. To the other side of this image off camera? A polar bear head. Not something you see every day and that's probably for the best.

Back in the Day~

While waiting for the metra I overheard a part of a conversation:

A slow moving freight with many cars is passing us by.

Woman: you could hop it now.
Man: aaw hell naw, you'd get hurt
Woman: naw. We did it all the time. You could hop tthat train and ride it to a different state.
Man: wasn't you afraid of getting hurt?
Woman: naw, its going slow enough, you might have to run a bit but you could hop it
Man: I'd be afraid I'd get lectrocuted
Woman: naw, that's the cta where the lectricity is on the tracks. On the metra electric its above.
Me: I'd be afraid of the whoopin' if I got caught.
Woman: oh we never got caught, but thems was different times.
Woman: did you know you used ta could walk from city to city by the sewers under the city?
Me: no way
Woman: there were these huge pipes, they ain't there no more though,
Me: couldnt do that today. Too many crazies
Woman: true, thems was different times. I was a kid 40 years ago.
Then the metra came. My phone rang and she was gone and I was sad for our current and future generations. 

Used ta could kids go outside and have adventures. Now... there's only x-box. 

Signs of Impending Doom

Now that the dogs have ascended to heaven those of us left behind are looking for signs of the apocalypse. Sadly, it seems to have started smaller than expected.

One angry little cloud with rain and hail ready to beat us up for enjoying some vanilla carmel icecream at the local ice cream shop.

Oh Wait... The world hasn't started to end. The new scheduled date for the beginning of the end is October 21, 2011.

In fact immediately after took this picture my dog came crashing back to earth leaving us to wonder if he had indeed been raptured or if he was simply subject to gravity. We believe we are being mislead by those in the know about this apocalypse thing. What does the dog know that he isn't telling us? What secret is my canine friend hiding?

Only time will tell.

Racing the Rain~

Bee balm. Lemon balm. One lonely pink azalea given as a gift. A single brilliant orange poppy.

It is time for them to be placed into the ground. The gardener splits the bee balm plants with her spade dreaming of the bright red flowers that will attract the wanted hummingbirds, butterflies an honeybees. Will they get enough light on this side of the house? Are they spaced evenly? Thunder, distant, sky still blue. Plants laid out and eyed skeptically.

Lemon balm, to ward off evil or  more likely to flavor tea, salads and ice creams. Split with the spade, eyed, approved. Where to put the single orange poppy? Over here, this place is right. By the cracked concrete porch with it's ancient pillars and beloved park bench. By the old trees. A breeze begins to flirt with the air, promising relief from the humidity. She looks up seeing the black clouds, close but not here yet. The sound of wind chimes mingles with thunder. The air still warm on the gardener's skin she stops to listen and observe.

Hurry. Don't get distracted. Get this finished. A fast moving storm.

The spade moves the carefully laid mulch, hands working quickly scissors slit the fabric weed barrier, a hole dug, a plant planted, methodical, focused. Mulch replaced, next plant. Dirt under the gardener's nails, no bother with gloves only the hard clay soil, mulch, plants. The wind picks up. Four plants left.

Thunder, wind chimes, the jingle of the dog's collar from the yard near by. Three plants left. The wind whips up louder than the wind  chimes. The thunder more insistent. Two plants, one plant. Finished.

The gardener stands up and looks at her work. She turns to the poppy entranced. It is perfect.

Warm wet drops fall from the sky. The spell broken, the gardener, unhurried, walks inside.

The World Post Rapture~

Well the rapture has already happened and like the heathen I am, I am still here... However our pets may not have been so lucky. Here's the last shot of some neighborhood dogs as they ascended to Heaven, or the Mothership. We're not sure which. Bye Fluffy!

Happy Spring!

After a miserable winter and a bitterly cold spring the warm weather is finally here. We're happy, are you?

With over 600 varieties of lilacs in existence I will not attempt to figure out which kind this is.
 I only know it smells good and is pretty.

Happy Mother's Day!

Nothing says Happy Mother’s Day quite like a walk by Lake Michigan, celebrating the rare beauty of a warm spring day in Chicago and the woman who labored and gave birth to you and changed your shitty diapers and waited for you to grow up and turn 18 so you could get the fuck out of her house.

And the impromptu memorial spray painted on the sidewalk. You’re the best, Mom!